i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
