Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
