After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I cut my penus on the lid.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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