I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
