Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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