So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
