If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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