I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
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