i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
