My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
