good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
