idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
