Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
We named our party play list daddy issues
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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