it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Randomize
