I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
