I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
