you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
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