This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
