We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
