she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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