i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
