I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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