she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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