Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
