You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
