You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
