he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
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