you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
