Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
