Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
