apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
