i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
