I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
