I CAN MOONWALK!
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
