Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
