well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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