I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
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