Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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