Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
i now understand why vodka
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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