I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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