Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
