My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
