I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
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