he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
