Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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