3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
