I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
