I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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