dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
