he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
false alarm, still single
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