If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
