Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
