I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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