How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
