Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
