Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
