You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
