When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
