Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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