you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
