Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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