Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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