I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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