Pappa wants mamma naked
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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