I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
