My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
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