The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
