So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Randomize
