Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
