I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize