You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
