i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Randomize
