Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
