A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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