yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
