No stitches, just platelets and will power
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
