At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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