i just had sex bonerless
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
